How to Deal with Criticism

How to Deal with Criticism:

Don’t.

Ha. That would be nice, wouldn’t it? If only that were an option. But it isn’t. And honestly, I wouldn’t want it to be.

Can I be disgustingly honest for a second? Young Jenette despised criticism. I avoided it at all costs. Older Jenette? I’ve had to unlearn some pretty toxic perfectionist tendencies because of those aversions.

As a teenager, I expected myself to be perfect. Not good—perfect. I didn’t hold anyone else to that standard, but I demanded it from myself. And that expectation bled into every area of my life, especially writing. (God and I are working on the rest, but today, let’s focus on the writing part.)  

I still remember getting my first research paper back in ninth grade. My teacher handed it to me folded in half (if you know, you know.) As I took it, she said, “It’s okay, Jenette. I know you’re special in this area.”

Now, as a current English professor, I could give you a whole lecture on how words carry connotations, how context matters. But I didn’t need years of education to understand what she meant. I unfolded the paper and found it covered in red ink—corrections, slashes, comments scribbled in the margins.   

I was a failure.  

No—important distinction—I felt like a failure. And that feeling shaped the rest of my high school (and honestly, college) writing experience. I obsessed over my writing. Every critique, no matter how kind or constructive, felt like a personal attack. One correction on the page? Absolute failure. I dreaded feedback. I just wanted to be perfect already.  

So now that you know where I started, let’s answer the question seriously. 

How to Deal with Criticism:

With Grace.

You need to have grace for others and grace for yourself.  

Grace for Others

Criticism, when given in good faith, is meant to help you. It exists to make you a better writer. It certainly motivated me to work harder and practice more. But here’s the thing: I also had to consider who was giving the feedback.

Not everyone will say things the right way. Some people have the best intentions but completely fumble the delivery. Others might be blunt—even harsh—but that doesn’t automatically mean they’re wrong. And more often than not, if someone is taking the time to give you feedback, it’s because they see value in your work. They care enough to want you to improve. Take it for what it is: an opportunity to learn and grow.

That said, not all criticism is worth your time. My momma always said, “Consider the source.” If someone is just tearing you down, that’s not constructive—that’s destructive. Those voices? You can ignore them. Instead, seek out trusted mentors, beta readers, and editors who challenge you in ways that actually make you better.

Grace for Yourself

There’s something I always tell my students (and they usually roll their eyes because they’ve heard it their whole lives): Do your best.

But here’s the important distinction—your best isn’t always 100%. Some days, your best is a masterpiece. Other days, your best is just getting words on the page. That’s because you’re human. You will never be perfect (at least, not on this earth), and you shouldn’t expect yourself to be.

Perfection should never be the goal. Progress should be.

Every draft, every revision, every piece of feedback you take in—it’s all part of the journey toward becoming the writer you want to be. I’d be really disappointed if my best writing days were already behind me. I want to be better next year, five years from now, ten years from now. And if you want that too, then you have to give yourself grace.

Don’t expect perfection. Embrace criticism when it pushes you forward. Give yourself credit when your confidence starts to fade.

And most importantly—don’t give up. Keep reading. Keep writing.

—Jenette